Why having friends is more important than you might think!
Theres one thing you can be sure of in life that things change and that includes having friends or a lack of them! Many of us are lucky enough to go through school making new friends, who often go on to share our good times and bad and sometimes become a part of our lives for many years more. Later in life we make friendships at work. Often we find ourselves part of larger social circles of friends through interests or just going to the same places. If we have children there are often other parents we see every day, dropping off and picking up at nurseries and at the school gates perhaps, and we fall into easy friendships over the years.
So what happens when children are grown or away making new lives for themselves, we change jobs or get made redundant or retire, we move house or area, or marriages end and all those familiar social circles disappear? Those old reliable friendships change. Sometimes we are left without any friends close by and we wonder to ourselves, How did that happen? Without realising it, we can become disconnected and experience loneliness for the first time in our lives.
As human beings we all have a number of basic emotional needs, which are essential for our well being. Throughout life, these needs are usually met by our work, our life at home and the interests we have. As our lives change however, these needs can become neglected and before we know it there is an impact on our sense of wellbeing. The good news is it is amazing how many of these emotional needs can be met by regularly seeing friends! Here is what I mean:
- We need to give and receive attention. We have evolved as social animals and we need human contact to stay mentally healthy. This is why solitary confinement is used as a punishment in jails! This attention can come from regular contact with our friends and having a balanced social life
- We need to notice our mind/body connection. We are not machines and need to pay attention to good nutrition, sleep, rest and exercise. We can go walking with friends, do an exercise class together or perhaps even swap healthy recipes
- We need a sense of meaning and purpose and to feel that we contribute to the broader community. Friends can help us to set goals or work towards something that we would like to achieve. Friends can help each other with charity fund raising or volunteering opportunities
- We need to feel challenged and express our creativity so we have a sense of competence and achievement. A friend can help us to try something new that we perhaps havent considered or thought we could do a new class or hobby or even an outdoor pursuit. We continue to learn when we mix with other interesting people from different backgrounds and life experiences
- We need a sense of autonomy and control. Sometimes we can feel that life is out of our control and we need to get a handle on at least part of it. Friends can remind us and help us to relax and provide a helpful perspective on what areas of life we can control
- We need a sense of status within our social groups. This can come from work or doing something helpful in the community. It can simply mean being recognised for being a good mother, grandmother, daughter or auntie. It can also come from being a good friend.
- We need to have some privacy as well as feeling secure and safe in our environment so we can develop as fully rounded people. A good friend can help us to see how we can improve this area of our lives whether we need to change where we live or cut ties with people who make us feel insecure in some way
- We need friendships and close relationships where we can be ourselves, share our ideas and ask for help when we need it. Many people are without supportive families so good quality friendships are even more important. We need to be emotionally connected to other people
This is why togetherfriends is such a great idea! I work as a psychotherapist and see so many people who are struggling with anxiety and depression. When we explore what is happening in their lives there are always emotional needs that are not being met. Friendships can help to fulfil so many of these needs. Friendships are important. Togetherfriends is an ideal way to meet other ladies who are also looking to make new friends. Regular groups have sprung up where like-minded friends meet for coffee or lunch reflecting the need many of us feel for that human connection. I heartily recommend it to anyone who is beginning to feel lonely or isolated. New friends are only a mouse click away!
The author of this article Susan Tibbett works as a Chartered Psychologist at MindMakeover Personal Development in York. You can contact her at http://www.mindmakeoveruk.com
